Fighting Ones Fears

When you are visually impaired and going blind you live with a lot of fears, as your life and vision is extremely unpredictable from one day to the next. When I wake up tomorrow, how much will I be able to see? Is someone there, or am I imagining things or are my eyes playing tricks on me? What am I going to do with my life as my vision deteriorates? Is E.T. going to pop up out of that big and get me? Whether rational or illrational, your life is a constant state of living in fear, and you are constantly winning and losing the battles. To give you an example, for the longest time, I have been afraid to go to the grocery store, and I have ordered my food online. Unfortunately, this has become a financial burden as the food and the delivery charges are too expansive, especially when I only need a few items. I know if you are sighted, that you are probably saying, how can you be afraid to go the grocery store? Well, their are multiple reasons. For starters, I take my guide dog Nash with me everywhere. I have become so unbelievably reliant on him, that I couldn’t even imagine leaving the house without him, and taking my cane with me. I really should work a little more with the cane, so I don’t lost that skill. Amazing, that you can walk with a cane for over ten years, and how quickly not walking with one fan become foreign to you. Nash is such an improvement over the cane, a whole hell of a lot cuter than a cane, and people treat me so much better when I am with Nash compared to when I was just using a cane. My only complaint about Nash is he is the world’s biggest sniffer, and he tries to eat everything off the streets of NYC, so you can only imagine what it is like taking him in to the grocery store. It’s like he is in a Vegas casino and all the bells and whistles are going off, and he can make up his mind over whether he wants to go to the craps table or blackjack. Additionally, since my vision has greatly deteriorated, I can’t see the products in the grocery store on my own, so my biggest fear is not actually what Nash will do, but getting over that psychological burden of going into the store and asking a clerk to help me pick out what I need. Amazingly, my neighborhood grocery store is not exactly known for their stellar customer service. Again, I know how insane this must sound to those of you with sight out there, but how often do you actually ask a clerk for help, or do you spend more time trying to find something that you know is there? Well, yesterday, Nash and I manned up! We went to the grocery store, and as soon as we walked in, we went up to the counter, and said excuse me, I am blind, can someone help me pick out a few things? And while another part of my self sufficient lifestyle ended, the store could not have been more gracious or helpful. I actually got in and out of the grocery in under twenty minutes. I guess I need to give people credit more often than not, and bite the bullet, and just ask for help when I need it. I need to learn that it is not about being self sufficient and depending on people, but rather a way of life, and my life at that.

I know for my loyal readers that I have not been giving you regular Nashdates, as life has been pretty hectic, but we had a great one this morning. We all know how beautiful Nash is, and he is also brilliant, hence his namesake Nash, after John Nash who Russell Crowe portrayed in the movie A Beautiful Mind. Well, this morning, we got down stairs in my building to head out for Nash’s morning walk, and Nash immediately noticed that my lobby was once again closed for construction. Before I even heard the construction, and without giving Nash a single command, he turned right to head through the mail room, which is when I thought maybe the lobby is clased, then he took another right, and led me back to the service hallway, and sure enough there was my doorman, standing in the service area, as the lobby was closed. Amazing how Nash could quickly recognize that the lobby was closed, and immediately recall that he had to head out the service door. Wow, what a guy. He really does have the most beautiful mind!

9 Responses to “Fighting Ones Fears”

  1. Barbara Fischler Says:

    Wow….what a blog……you really opened yourself up beautifully….Nash may be incredible and have a beautiful mind ( & I know he is and does) but you are my hero and inspiration.

  2. blindgator Says:

    Thanks, glad you enjoyed it, and that I was able to express it. I felt it was one of the more important blogs I have written

  3. Barbara Fischler Says:

    I agree. It was amazing.

  4. Susan Says:

    You are the man, Brian.

  5. Lorraine Says:

    A very touching blog, Brian. Thank you for mustering the courage to say all this out loud.
    Have you ever thought about writing a book? Seriously. I think more than your current bloggies would be interested in hearing about the life of a blind person, the challenges, ups and downs, and how the cutest puppy in the world changed your world.

  6. Barbara Fischler Says:

    I’ve been saying exactly what Lorraine said. There is a book there and people who would want to read it!

  7. blindgator Says:

    I wish you guys were right about the book, but unfortunately, the people I have contacted who could make it a reality do not get back to me. You can’t just approach publishers unsolicited. So if anyone knows of anyone in the book world, please do let me know.

  8. Lorraine Says:

    Self publishing is getting more and more attention. Nuts to the naysayers; start typing!

  9. Barbara Fischler Says:

    Listen to Lorraine!!!!

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