Archive for October, 2009

What to do when you learn your guide dog is not an attack dog!

October 9, 2009

I had that fun yearly physical yesterday, and not only did I have the pleasure of sitting for an hour in the waiting room of a doctor’s office with all those coughing sickos, but I also got treated to that always enjoyable complete stranger sitting next to you on an airplane telling you his life story. Wow, what a way to start the day, the two in one. After this, the doc telling me I’m dying would be a pleasant surprise. Seriously, who talks to you in a doctor’s office? Actually, I am just being my sarcastic old self, as the guy wasn’t that bad, and was a Yanks fan, and alerted me that David Blaine and I go to the same doctor. My doc must be pretty good if he can keep that guy alive and kicking.

Nash and I were taken into a side room right after David Blaine to have our blood drawn. I hope they cleaned the needle as that guy definitely looks like he has something. I had Nash’s leash attached to the door which was locked so no one could open it and hurt Nash, and there were two nurses, of course the first one was afraid of dogs, and she says, “he’s not going to bite me when I put the needle in?” I said, “Good question, I hope not.” This was probably not the best thing to say to nurse shaky hands with the needle, so I added, “I’m kidding, no, he won’t bite you.” Of course, I really did not know what he would do, as he was definitely keeping an eye on this nurse, and was walking back and forth checking out what was going on. I couldn’t see, but I think the furst nurse was pretty raddled, and it’s a good thing that I have very tiny veins, as she was able to pass the needle off to the other nurse with a good excuse, “he has really tiny veins. Can you try?” I really am afraid of needles, so getting my blood taken is always an event, as I have been stuck several times in both arms, and they can’t get the blood out, then the they move to the top of the hand, which is not fun, and even worst, sometimes in between the fingers, so you can see why I am afraid of needles, and don’t make a regular habit out of giving blood. Up next, nurse number two who says, “what a cute dog, he’s not going to bite me if I stick you with this?” You see a recurring theme for my visit to the doctor? Not that the first nurse would have been bad, but the second nurse was fantastic, as she got me on her first stick, and Nash seemed to like her, as he began licking her foot. The nurse really liked Nash, and pointed out to the firs tnurse how friendly Nash was, and the little kisses he left on her shoe.

After the blood experience, it was off to see the doc, and go through my laundry list of everything that is wrong with me. I again had to put Nash’s leash on the door knob, which is not the best thing to do, but he did have room to move around, and the door was locked from the inside so no chance of him getting hurt. Again, he was very curious what was going o nthe whole time I was going under the exam. I think the EKG and all those sticky things freaked him out a little, as I was able to hear him pitter pattering back and forth by the door, and I had to tell him to sit several times, so he was out of the doctor’s way. What Nash, the guy is putting all these freaky EKG things on me, and you don’t take a bite out of his leg? What is someone going to have to do to me for you to take a shot at them or at least a growl? Is there some place I can go to practice being mugged and assaulted to see how Nash responds? I guess Nash is just too damn friendly to ever attack anyone, and is more likely to lick someone to death than to bite them. So the first round of the tests are all good, and I got some new meds to hopefully help with sleep and stuff, now I just get to play that fun waiting game for the other results. Maybe if I don’t get my lab results in a timely manner, I can go down to the lab and sic Nash on them to give me my results.

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A Guide Dog That Can Almost Fly!

October 7, 2009

Figures, I am actually awake, and for some reason have an extra bounce in my step today, and Nash and I head out to get both of us some exercise, and let him go to the bathroom. It’s a good thing Nash is 69 pounds, because if he was any lighter, you may have seen this headline on the New York City news tonight, “Guide Dog That Can Fly, Seen Heading East.” We are having 40 to 50 mph winds in the city today, and just getting Nash out to the bathroom was an adventure. The wind was causing him to move side to side even when he was standing still. You know it’s funny as I don’t use the so called “bathroom humor” in my stand up, as it is frowned upon, but I do seem to talk about it a lot in my blog, and well, it is just funny. You ever try picking up dog poop in 40 to 50 mph winds? Lets just say the shit almost flew out of the bag, sorry about the pun, couldn’t resist. It actually took quite a bit of effort to keep it in there and not fly out and hit someone, but come on how absolutely hysterical would that have been? Not for the person it hit, but for every other person on the street. I mean how often do you get to see flying dog poop in NYC? I was pretty much laughing through the entire experience, but Nash wasn’t, as I think he really wanted to go for a walk, but I felt it best to head home, as today is one of those days that you hear about some dude getting kerplunked in the head by flying debris from a construction site. Luckily for Nash, tomorrow, we have to head to the East Side, ugh the East Side, but at least he will get a good amount of exercise. The wind is supposed to stay this way until after midnight, so we will have to be careful not to let Nash or something else fly away on our next few jaunts outside.

Check out the blurb about Laugh For Sight in the NY Daily News, and if you haven’t, get your LFS tickets soon!

October 7, 2009

Laugh For Sight 4 had a little blurb in the NY Daily News Events section, and you can see it here along with a brief history of the benefit.  We will be doing an interview on 1010 WINS radio as the benefit gets closer, and hopefully some more press as the 11/16 benefit gets closer.

http://events.nydailynews.com/new-york-ny/events/show/88835424-laugh-for-sight-4

If you haven’t purchased your tickets for Laugh For Sight 4, what are you waiting for? This All Star evening of stand up comedy at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City will kickoff with a silent auction prior to the comedy show. We are getting some amazing donations to the auction, including an Eli Manning personalized autographed jersey, high end jewlery, concert and Broadway tickets, cashmere clothing, art gallery gift certificates, designer handbag, and much more. More details to be released as the benefit gets closer.

You can purchase your tickets at http://www.laughforsight.com, or gothamcomedyclub.com, and for any questions or donations, you can contact us at info@laughforsight.com.

LFS4_ad_r4

Did a show tonight, and lets just say I doubt that any of this material will be making it into my set at Laugh For Sight. While I do like some of it, my timing was off, and Nash decided to go for a little stroll in the middle of my set and sniff out some people in the front row, so  Iguess he wasn’t into the set either. The funny thing is, back when I was working down on Wallstreet last year, the company I was working for had a company picnic, and they had a raffle, as they were raffling off the prices, I began telling the people I was sitting with how I have never won anything in my entire life, never, not once, and as I am telling them this, my number is called, and I won an ipod. You ask, why am I telling you this, well, at the show tonight, they had a raffle, and guess what, I won a new ipod. Pretty funny, have never won anything, and now I have won two ipods. I guess I should only enter raffles that have ipods. If you read yesterday’s post, yes, I am seeking out  a raffle for Iphones, as I should see if my luck will transter, as I really do need a new phone.

And for Nash, well, if yesterday was my bad day, today is his bad day, as he has Nash gas. He seems to be feeling fine, as he is his playful licking self, but had some bad movements today, and when he flipped onto his back for his daily tummy rub, and I was leaning over him on the couch, he ripped one that almost knocked me off the couch. Silent, but deadly. Calm on Nash, you got to give a blind guy a little warning. Hopefully tomorrow, or today we will both be in sync, and have a good day.

Do Dogs Ever Get Depressed?

October 6, 2009

I thought this week was going to start off so good, and I just kept getting hit with one piece of bad news after bad news, or disappointing news, and now I am back in my funk, so I am feeling depressed, and it made me think, do dogs ever get depressed? I am not going to go into everything, as this is a public blog, but today was not the greatest of days.

It started off so well, as I was up before 9am which for me is fantastic. I figured I was in for one of those good days where you don’t mind that annoying over the top office guy or girl who keeps saying to everyone “Happy Monday!” I hate people like that. Ok, hate is too strong of a word, is loathe ok? My Monday started off with my firefox browser continuously crashing, which has been going on for awhile, and I can’t seem to get anyone to fix it. Then like clockwork, the construction on my building kicked in. When you are sitting in my apartment and the construction is going on, it feels and sounds like someone is giving you a jackhammer enema. Yes, it is as unpleasant as it sounds. After that, I got more technology good news, as my cell phone battery died, and I just had charged it, so I went to the Verizon Wireless store, and of course, they examined the battery to my blackberry which is about a year and a half old, and it is damaged, and they want $69.99 to replace the battery. Since I went to the technology seminar a few weeks ago for the visually impaired, I have been enamored with the latest Iphone, as it has a screen reader built in, which is a blind man’s technological fantasy, but of course, they are only on AT&T, and I am on Verizon. I had called Verizon before going to the store, and my contract is not up until January, but of course, the guy on the phone told me to go into one of their stores, as they have plenty of phones for the visually impaired. Then when I get to the store, the salesman will only show me a phone which is a piece of crap and made for a six year old, and all it does is speak the numbers you press. Well, what about email, browsing the web, text messages, facebook, twitter, my blog? How can I access that on a phone? “Ah, you do all that,” says the salesman, “well, we don’t have anything like that.” It amazes me, actually, it doesn’t, that you can’t get one story from someone over the phone and a completely different story from the employee at the same company in the store. Not sure what I will do as far as the phone goes, but another reason that I am looking into the iphone, as I cannot read my blackberry as much as I used to be able to. Hey Nash, how about lending a paw?

Since I seem to have a guide dog that loves to play hide and seek with a blind guy, actually it is just hide, as he hides his bones and toys from me, I went to the pet store to get Nash a new nila bone, as he has hid his original nila bone not to be found by me in my apartment somewhere. You can only vaccum and spend so much time on your belly spreading your arms across the floor hoping that you will hit the bone before you go insane, so it was off to the store to buy a new, which Nash was due for and does deserve. We get home, and not even ten minutes into playing with the new nila bone, Nash has hidden it again. Come on Nash, you are a guide dog, hence, I am a blind guy, you are not helping my day.

Then to continue on my diatribe of the day from hell, I didn’t hear back from the people that I needed to, which is typical. My goal in life is to eventually be a person you have to call back, and a person on the opposite end of what I am now, instead of waiting for a call, you will be joping for my call. Can that still happen?

There were about four or five other things that led me down the path to my funk, which ended with me ordering Ray’s Pizza, which normally makes me happy, but of course, today the pizza sucked, and then I just felt guilty for ordering it when I shouldn’t have. So, I finally sat to watch Favre against Green Bay on Monday Night Football, and of course, I fell asleep, and missed most of the game, so now once again, my hours are off, and I am wide awake, and pissed I missed the game.

Well, they say if you find something that doesn’t make you to miserable, you should do that. I just wish I could find something. Today is another day, so we shall see what happens.  Of course, Nash is asleep on my feet as I write this, and snoring away, lucky bastard, I guess dogs don’t get depressed.

It’s Blindness Awareness Month!

October 4, 2009

I never knew we had a month. Not to be too politically incorrect, but I need to call my black friends to find out if we get anything. Maybe we get to eat for free the entire month. So go out of your way to help a blind person, as it is our month.

I don’t get when grown adults say, “hi doggie.” I mean do they know the dog? Are they expecting Nash to wave a paw at them when they say hello? Not sure what they are expecting in return. On the contrary, I do find it really cute when a little kid, says, “hi doggie,” or, “Mommy, mommy, doggy, doggy, doggy.” What can I say, kids are just cuter, and nicer in most cases.

Nash and I have had a few chill out days, as I have been a little under the weather. The geniuses at my building turned the heat on, and of course, it got a lot warmer in NYC, so even though I have the windows open and the fans going, it is like an inferno in here. Why the hell turn the heat on in October? No one under 90 is going to use it, and if they do, they should be checked out for some serious problems.

Since I have been vegged out, I have learned that Nash does not like it when you touch his bed. I have had his bed by the couch during most waking hours, and I guess he gets bored sitting in, as he will sit next to it, or stand near it and stare at me. I started to move his bed back and forth, and Nash slammed a very defiant paw on it, as if he was saying, “MINE!” It was pretty funny. Of course, my hours have been really off, so late at night, Nash is in his bed by the couch, and I am finally ready to go to bed, and he will not get out of his bed, so I have to drag him in his bed over to my bed. He loves getting a ride in his bed, and every time, I finally get his bed positioned where I want it near my bed, and I get into bed, I hear him get up and reposition himself. Look Nash, this would be a lot easier, if you just got up, and we did this without me having to drag the bed over to my bed with you in it. Like I said, he doesn’t like it when people touch his bed.

Doing an interview tonight for Able Newspaper. I believe it is a newspaper by the disabled for the disabled, and they want to talk more about me and my stand up then Nash and me, so this is an interesting change, as since Nash and I have gotten together, it has been all about Nash.

Sit, Stay, and Stand Up Benefit

October 1, 2009

Nash and I went to the Sit, Stay, and Stand Up Benefit at Comix on Tuesday night benefiting the ASPCA. Jimi Celeste, a comedian that I have worked with in the past, produced a fantastic benefit that featured Greg Giraldo, Nick DiPaolo, and Robert Kelly, all Laugh For Sight previous performer’s, and also on the benefit was Lynne Koplitz, Amy Schumer, Pete Correlea, and Marc Maron. The benefit was a smashing success, and the ASPCA had cats that people could adopt, and I think that Nash wanted to take a friend home with him. I thought they were also going to have dogs for people to adopt, but Nash was the only dog at the show, so we kept getting asked if he was an adopted dog. Nash got his typical night full of compliments on how cute and well behaved he is, and I think Nash handled the crowd of over 200 people very well. It was tough to not try and promote Laugh For Sight too much, as the night was about Jimi’s efforts, and raising money and awreness for the ASPCA. Amazingly, I ran into a bartender at Comix whose father is blind from the same eye disease as me, retinitis pigmentose, and also has a guide dog. The night was a lot of fun, and if you want to see some of the great pictures of the night, just google Brian Fischler and  Sit, Stay, and Stand Up, which is a fantastic name for the cause. It looks like we were photographed by a few of the wire services, and I can’t download the photo’s.

Had a strange experience walking Nash early this morning, as some guy comes up to me, and says, “this fucker is still alive!” I turned to the guy, and before I could say anything, he says, “woops, sorry, thought you were somebody else.” That was strange, I guess the guy is a real dog lover.

Nash and I walked into my building late today, where the construction was as bad as it has ever been. I couldn’t even hear people on the phone today, so I didn’t get a lot done, and had to spend most of the day out of the building. Ridiculous that my building would do such a vain renovation to the lobby which is completely unnecessary during such a recession. I guess they just want to be able to screw me more when my lease is up, and raise my rent because the lobby is completely renovated, which is real important to a blind guy, a nice looking lobby. My lobby could look like Fallujah, and it wouldn’t matter to me. So Nash and I get to the elevator, and as we are waiting for it to arrive, two woman who were there before us chatting away, I hear one say, “I am not getting on an elevator with that dog, I am frightened to death over dogs!” Yeah, Nash the intimidator does it again. Even though I was in a really bad mood because of the construction, I was nice, and said, “you were here first, I’ll take the next one.” Nash the terrorizer strikes fear in a woman, with his face, how is that possible? And does anyone really know someone who has been frightened to death? Is that even medically possible? If you do know someone who has been frightened to death, please contact me, because I could use some new material.

Nash and me at Sit, Stay, and Stand Up Benefit