The stages of life: From I Want My MTV to I Want My Garbage Can!

Lets face it, getting old sucks. It seems like just yesterday, I was being introduced to screaming, I Want My MTV and I Love Rock N’ Roll. Thank you Joan Jett, and all you 80’s hair bands. It scares me that those 80’s hair bands that I watched as kid still have more hair than me, and even worse, now you couldn’t pay me to watch MTV, and I don’t understand half of there programming. What’s even more frightening is I have a severe Peter Pan complex, and I still don’t get MTV these days.  Life as a child was great, you really didn’t understand fear, everything seemed so simple, you still got great gifts for Chanukaj and Christmas, and even believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Chanukah Harry, and the tooth fairy. Sorry for the spolier alert to all you adults reading this that have a worst Peter Pan complex than me. Summer’s still meant something when you a kid, now it’s just a hotter time of the year.  Athletes and Movie Stars were heroes, now they are just giant assholes who are spoiled, and behave like children, but are able to get away with it. Sleep was something you did so easily. You didn’t need coffee to function. Desert was fantastic, not something you regretted eating later because that meant extra hard work to lose weight. Tou had Grandparents who spoiled you. Your sibling being a pain in the ass was cute. You still believed in miracles, and had dreams. Nap time was required, and didn’t mean you were lazy.  You got a lollipop for going to the doctor, and waiting an hour didn’t seem like an eternity because they had toys for you to play with, and you didn’t need hand sanitizer to play with them. You didn’t have to wear a helmer, knee pads, and arm pads to ride your bike. You got to lay down in the back of the station wagon. People had station wagons. You didn’t know what bills or credit was. You got an allowance for doing stuff that you now do for free. Yes, I can go on and on.

Life seemed so much easier, and of course, you were young, so you don’t really remember the bad times or things. Never in a million years, did I imagine, that one day, today, I would be calling the Mayor’s office of the largest city in the world to have a garbage can returned. And I have the confirmation number to confirm my request. If the Department of Sanitation denies my request, I am going to go down to Little Italy to get my garbage can returned, as I hear that is where the real power of the Department of Sanitation is, and if the Dept. of Sanitation approves my request, I wonder if it will be like an adopt a highway thing, where there will be a plaque on the garbage can that reads, “this garbage can placed here by Brian Fischler.” Well, tons of people have always told me that I am full of shit, so I guess I need somewhere to put it. And if the garbage can is returned, will there be some kind of dedication ceremony? Hey, I’d finally get to thank the academy.

I know, some of you are saying, what’s the big deal, just cross 8th Avenue and throw Nash’s poop away, well, he had gotten pretty comfortable in his routine. For example, yesterday, I had to go to the ATN, and I was taking Nash out for his walk. I had to go to the ATM first, as I wasn’t going to let Nash poop, pick it up, and carry it around with me into the store to use the ATM, and it didn’t make a lot of sense to let Nash poop, pick it up on 53rd, then head all the way back to 52nd find the garbage can, throw it away, head back up 8th, past my building, back across 53rd, and then to the ATM, all of this is because Obama had to do Letterman. Life was so much simpler Pre-Obama on Letterman. Getting back to Nash’s routine, yesterday when we headed out to the ATM, we got to the corner of 53rd and 8th, and while we were standing there waiting for the light to change, Nash kept trying to go right, as he had to go, so yes, this whole garbage can national conspiracy, has not only cramped my style, it has cramped Nash’s, and maybe even backed him up. Well, I hace a confirmation number from the Dept. of Sanitation for a request for the garbage can to be returned, so we shall see what happens. I just hope the next stage of my life is not yelling, I want my adult diapers, but it is amazing how everything comes full circle. I just hope that when I am in the old time home, I am wearing my adult diapers, and yelling, I Want My MTV!

3 Responses to “The stages of life: From I Want My MTV to I Want My Garbage Can!”

  1. Lorraine Says:

    Loved this entry! I used to love MTV back when they actually played music videos. The people of my generation used to yell, “I want my Maypo!” There was a really cute ad campaign that went with this hot breakfast cereal.

  2. blindgator Says:

    Thanks. To quote Dire Straits, “I want my MTV.” How come later in the day, after I write the blog, I come up with beeter ideas, now I have to go back and edit it.

  3. Barbara Fischler Says:

    Wow you had a pretty good childhood!!! I wonder who your parents are!!
    Oh yes, I guess that would be me….and my husband…..forget thanking the academy……

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