Archive for September, 2009

Bark damn you, Bark!

September 28, 2009

I decided to use my oven which I rarely use, as I don’t now how to cook, and every time I do, it is a disaster. I decided to reheat a sliee of pizza in the oven, as it tastes much better out of the oven as opposed to being nuked. The slice in there barely seven minutes on 350, and all of the sudden, the smoke detector in my apartment starts going off, and yelling, “fire, fire, fire” The first thought that came to my mind was Beavis and Butthead, hey I miss those guys, ok not really, as I was not a huge fan, as I had a buddy in college who walked around and constantly talked like those guys, and ruined the show for me. Of course, my first reaction should have been holy shite, no, not the Muslims, but my apartment is on fire. I did realize that there was no fire in the apartment, and that it was the oven causing the smoke detector to go off. I began waving a cloth in front of the smoke detector, but it would not stop saying “fire, fire, fire,” so I ran over and opened the windows and continued waving the cloth in front of the detector, eventually smacking it by mistake, and knocking it off the wall. I took the pizza out of the oven, and it wasn’t even burnt. Then it hit me. Nash didn’t make a sound during the whole fiasco. Not a bark, not a whimper, nothing. If a smoke detector doesn’t cause him to bark, I don’t know what will, so his barkless streak of never having barked in NYC is still intact.

I had some friends in the city from growing up in Florida, Evan and Dawn, and there kids. I had never met their kids, and had not seen them since before I had started walking with a cane. They came over to my apartment today so I could meet all three of their kids, they could meet Nash, and we could at least get to see each other and do a little catching up. There kids were very nice, Cameron, the oldest really loved Nash and the little one was a little aftaid of him. Hey, I can’t blame her, I think I might have been afraid of dogs when I was her age. Nash of course kept wanting to lick her. He was very behaved while they were over, and even played with his ball with them for a little. It was nice that they got to meet Nash at my apartment, so he was not working, and was just like a pet dog.

Since Nash was so well behaved while they were here, we played around a lot this evening, and I got him pretty riled up, a little too much so, as I was kneeling down over him, and he came straight up, and smashed me in the nose. It really hurt, and I was lucky that Nash did not break my nose. I guess Nash doesn’t know his own strength, and he almost caused me to bark from the pain.

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A Night of Really Nice People, and A Few Assholes!

September 27, 2009

Spent most of yesterday watching college football. Hopefully Tim Tebow will be fine, but ouch, that was scary while Superman was lied motionless on the turf. About ten minutes before Tebow got hurt, I had left a message for a friend screaming about how the Gators offensive line cannot pass block, and that Tebow gets hit every time he drops back to pass, and that he is going to get killed. I hate it when I am right. How does Florida State go on the road and destroy BYU, and then lose at home the following week to South Florida? I guess that is why they play the games. Another week of upsets and down to the wire games, Penn State goes down, and Michigan wins again on their last drive of the game. There is nothing like college football, and that is why every Saturday during the season is a holiday to me.

Nash and I went a party for Exhale Spa at the Gansevoort Hotel last night. The party was in the spa, and the layout reminded me of a Russian Bath House. I have never been in a Russian Bath House, but have seen them in the movies, and the Spa was like the upscale version as there were little hacuzzi’s and pools all over the place. Before getting there, I was a little concerned that Nash might try and cannonball into one of the pools. I even checked with Nash’s puppy raisers and his trainer to get there opinion, as I knew it would be cute if he did cannonball into a pool, but I knew it wouldn’t be too much fun for me. Well, Nash didn’t even get a chance to attempt a cannonball, as the spa had little gates up blocking access to the pools. Which did make sense considering I am sure it would be an insurance liability. Exhale Spa is donating to the silent auction at Laugh For Sight, so my friend Meredith who also has RP, and is a member of the spa got them involved with Laugh For Sight, and thought it would be a good idea for Nash and me to meet some of the staff. It was a fun party, and even though I really couldn’t see the layout of the spa, I liked it, as they were playing new age music, and the sounds of all the water was very relaxing. Oh yeah, and the vodka helped too. The Vodka was for me, not Nash. I met some really nice people, and so did Nash, as he got to lick some new people. At first, Nash was being a social butterfly, trying to check everything out, and meet everyone, but then he eventually settled in, as it was pretty late for him.

Meredith and I left the hotel, and planned to get a cab to head up to my neighborhood to meet a friend of mine that was in from L.A. Well, it was raining pretty hard, so good luck getting a cab, as it was around midnight, and everybody and their cousin were flagging cabs down. We decided to go into an establishment around the corner to wait out the rain and grab a drink and then grab a cab. We had an incident at the establishment, which will remain nameless for their benefit. As soon as we walked, me with Nash, and Meredith with her cane, a bouncer came up to us, and started saying, “no, no, no, not in here with the dog. We don’t allow pets.” I calmly explained to him that Nash is not a pet, and that he is a guide dog, and the guy said, “I don’t care, we don’t allow dogs.” I sensed that the bouncer was not an employee of the club, and I told him that he better get the manager. He started going into this is a private event at the club, and was being a real dick, and if not for Meredith insisting, as she is an attorney, I would have left. As I did have to meet my friend up town, and did not want to deal with this asshole, and make a bug scene. I told him, I would just call the owner tomorrow, and he would be hearing from him. But Meredith who was right, kept insisting to speak with the manager, as I headed outside to flag a cab down. The manager, who was very nice came outside to get me, and walked me back in the club, and was very apologetic for the bouncer, and insisted that we stay for a drink, and the club even bought us the drink. That was very nice of them, and I guess in the future when I run into something like this, I should be more persistent in asking for the manager, as you can’t refuse service to somebody with a guide dog, and it is a pretty serious fine. I did not want the club to be fined as I know the owner, and knew this bouncer was not an employee of the club.

Of course, after the drink, when we left, it was still raining, and the bouncer of the club who I think felt bad for not knowing the law, helped us flag down a cab. The cab driver of course was an asshole, which I why I rarely take cabs. He charged us a flat rate for where we were going, which I am pretty sure is illegal, but on a Saturday night in the pouring rain, I think cabbies go by their own rules because they can get away with it. I ended up going over to the East side to meet my friend who was in from L.A. as he was out with some other friend’s of his. Of course, the cab driver refused to drop me off where I had asked him to, and I had to ask some stranger to show me where the bar was which was about two blocks and on the other side of the street from where the cab dropped me off. It was a night of really nice people and a few assholes, which I guess is what you get every day.

Power to the People, the Garbage Can is Back!

September 25, 2009

I know that I bitch and moan about a lot, so I just wanted to say, power to the people, the garbage can is back! Now what should I call the Mayor’s office for? I’m on a hot streak. Like I have said, I know this would be something that most people would never even think about, but believe me, it makes my life a lot easier having a garbage can right where I take Nash for a walk, and I even got a phone call from the Department of Sanitation telling me that they also put a garbage can on the Northeast corner, and in the future if I have any problems, I can call the local office directly. I really hope the Dept. of Sanitation did not get scolded, as it was the Secret Service that moved everything, but at least it is finally back to normal.

I couldn’t sleep the other night, and no, it was not from garbage can stress, I had fallen asleep at 12:30, and woke up at 3:45. I figured I would watch some tv since I couldn’t sleep. Why do the batteries to your tv’s remote always die after midnight? I do not recall them ever dying during the day or early evening. Of course, I did not have any backups in the apartment, so I had to run across the street to Duane Reade. You have got to love 24 hour stores right across the street. So of course, I was up to about 730 in the morning, and I started to fall back asleep on the couch, when Nash woke up, and decided it was play time. I kept saying, no Nash, sleepy, go back to sleep. I rolled over on the couch, and threw my blanket over my head, but it did not work, as Nash stuck his head underneath the blanket, and began licking the back of my head. Hey Nah, how would you like it if I started licking you during one of your several naps during the day?

Since my vision has been getting worst, I finally got around to playing around with the Zoomtext tutorial more. That is the software that I use to magnify the screen and talk to me, and wow, does it have some amazing features that I did not know about. Since I have such bag glare issues, the reason I always have a hat on, I was having trouble viewing high resolution screens of sites that used all different kinds of fonts, including this one that uses a very faint text font while typing, well, not anymore. My screen now has a black background and yellow type which is much easier for me to see, and I have even been able to set the magnification level down a bit on some sites which allows me to see more of the screen. I also learned a few more keyboard shortcuts which makes using Zoomtext a lot easier than having to go to the control panel every time you want to change something, so just like a guy not wanting to ask for directions, I never fully used the tutorial. I am going to learn some more tips today, and going blind, I have actually become a woman, and learned to ask for directions, and ask for help when trying to find where I am going.

The stages of life: From I Want My MTV to I Want My Garbage Can!

September 24, 2009

Lets face it, getting old sucks. It seems like just yesterday, I was being introduced to screaming, I Want My MTV and I Love Rock N’ Roll. Thank you Joan Jett, and all you 80’s hair bands. It scares me that those 80’s hair bands that I watched as kid still have more hair than me, and even worse, now you couldn’t pay me to watch MTV, and I don’t understand half of there programming. What’s even more frightening is I have a severe Peter Pan complex, and I still don’t get MTV these days.  Life as a child was great, you really didn’t understand fear, everything seemed so simple, you still got great gifts for Chanukaj and Christmas, and even believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Chanukah Harry, and the tooth fairy. Sorry for the spolier alert to all you adults reading this that have a worst Peter Pan complex than me. Summer’s still meant something when you a kid, now it’s just a hotter time of the year.  Athletes and Movie Stars were heroes, now they are just giant assholes who are spoiled, and behave like children, but are able to get away with it. Sleep was something you did so easily. You didn’t need coffee to function. Desert was fantastic, not something you regretted eating later because that meant extra hard work to lose weight. Tou had Grandparents who spoiled you. Your sibling being a pain in the ass was cute. You still believed in miracles, and had dreams. Nap time was required, and didn’t mean you were lazy.  You got a lollipop for going to the doctor, and waiting an hour didn’t seem like an eternity because they had toys for you to play with, and you didn’t need hand sanitizer to play with them. You didn’t have to wear a helmer, knee pads, and arm pads to ride your bike. You got to lay down in the back of the station wagon. People had station wagons. You didn’t know what bills or credit was. You got an allowance for doing stuff that you now do for free. Yes, I can go on and on.

Life seemed so much easier, and of course, you were young, so you don’t really remember the bad times or things. Never in a million years, did I imagine, that one day, today, I would be calling the Mayor’s office of the largest city in the world to have a garbage can returned. And I have the confirmation number to confirm my request. If the Department of Sanitation denies my request, I am going to go down to Little Italy to get my garbage can returned, as I hear that is where the real power of the Department of Sanitation is, and if the Dept. of Sanitation approves my request, I wonder if it will be like an adopt a highway thing, where there will be a plaque on the garbage can that reads, “this garbage can placed here by Brian Fischler.” Well, tons of people have always told me that I am full of shit, so I guess I need somewhere to put it. And if the garbage can is returned, will there be some kind of dedication ceremony? Hey, I’d finally get to thank the academy.

I know, some of you are saying, what’s the big deal, just cross 8th Avenue and throw Nash’s poop away, well, he had gotten pretty comfortable in his routine. For example, yesterday, I had to go to the ATN, and I was taking Nash out for his walk. I had to go to the ATM first, as I wasn’t going to let Nash poop, pick it up, and carry it around with me into the store to use the ATM, and it didn’t make a lot of sense to let Nash poop, pick it up on 53rd, then head all the way back to 52nd find the garbage can, throw it away, head back up 8th, past my building, back across 53rd, and then to the ATM, all of this is because Obama had to do Letterman. Life was so much simpler Pre-Obama on Letterman. Getting back to Nash’s routine, yesterday when we headed out to the ATM, we got to the corner of 53rd and 8th, and while we were standing there waiting for the light to change, Nash kept trying to go right, as he had to go, so yes, this whole garbage can national conspiracy, has not only cramped my style, it has cramped Nash’s, and maybe even backed him up. Well, I hace a confirmation number from the Dept. of Sanitation for a request for the garbage can to be returned, so we shall see what happens. I just hope the next stage of my life is not yelling, I want my adult diapers, but it is amazing how everything comes full circle. I just hope that when I am in the old time home, I am wearing my adult diapers, and yelling, I Want My MTV!

It’s time for the United Nations to move out of New York City

September 22, 2009

Day two of garbage can watch, and it has not been returned. The secret service did such an amazing job of removing everything from my neighborhood for Obama’s appearance on Letterman, but returning everything to the right place, not so good. I know, some of you are saying, well, just find another garsame placerbage can to throw Nash’s withdrawl’s away. Well, when you’re blind, it ain’t so easy. Being blind is kind of like Rainman, it’s all about comfortable routines, and everything being in the same place every day. That is why out of town guests is such a pain in the ass, as you can tell them to put things in a place, but if they don’t do it exactly as you tell them, something is getting broken. If I had to come up with a phrase to describe Obama’s secret service not putting our garbage can back, I would have to say, it is a “jackass move.” And if Obama really did say that about Kanye West, than that should go down with, “I cannot tell a lie,” and “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” At least Kanye West could take comfort in that he would go down in the annals of history.

Since I have gotten so far off topic, let me continue. I am still getting around to catching up for bad shows that I watch from last season, and one of them is the Dollhouse. Now I love Eliza Dusku, which is the only reason I watched the show, in fact, I like her so much, that if I wasn’t blind, I would probably be her stalker. How in the world was the Dollhouse not canceled? The show is so bad, that it makes 90210 look like classic tv drama. I do at least watch the show while I am doing stuff on the computer, as I keep thinking, it can’t be this bad. It is so bad, that it may ruin my Eliza Dushku fantasy, just like how Ghost Whisper ruined Jennifer Love Hewitt for me.

Nash and I had to go all the way across the city today to the Lighthouse, as I have been having a lot of trouble seeing lately, and my doctor in Philly wanted me to see a low vision specialist in NYC. I have been going to the lighthouse to get my prescriptions filled for year’s, and I used to get my canes and some other low vision tools there for years. It normally takes me 15 to 20 minutes to get all the way across the city to the Lighthouse, well with the U.N. in session, and Obama being there, the city was in total gridlock, it happens every time the U.N. is in session. It took me over an hour to take the bus to the Lighthouse today, and I almost missed my appointment.  I was not thrilled, and neither was anyone else on the street today, except for maybe Nash, as the gridlock caused by the U.N. doesn’t seem to face him. I guess Nash has more patience than New Yorkers.

Nash was really well behaved while I underwent all my eye tests. I had to focus on the eye charts and flashing lights that I could see, and he got to nap by my feet. Lucky guy. A funny thing happened at the Lighthouse, as they wanted to do a visual field test on me, and they were so excited as they have a brand new machine to do the test. I got a good laugh when they sat me at the machine, as I have been using this machine at Bacan Palmer and Scheie Eye since I was 12 years old. They have upgraded the machine to a few new versions, but it is still the same old visual field test. The staff at the Lighthouse is great, but it is kind of a sad statement on technology advancements in visual research that they are still using the same technology from when I was 12, only newer versions, and even sadder that the Lighthouse just got it a few months ago. I guess that machine is damn expensive, the good news is I have dibs to take a baseball bat to the machine at my doctor in Philly when they cure eye disease and no longer need it. After going through everything, it ends up that my old eye glass presription seems to be better for me than the new one I got a few month’s ago, so basically a lot of wasted time to go backwards.

When Nash and I left my tiring day at the Lighthouse, where I was once again disappointed that I do not have cataract’s, as that would at least explain the severe glare issues I have, the city was in even worst gridlock. This time I said screw the bus, as Nash and more importantly I could both use the exercise. Because of all the traffic at a dead stand still, I think we passed three cross town buses while walking that were sitting still, there was also people gridlock. I heard they were doing a lot of searches on the subway, so hoofing it all the way across the city was our best bet. Remind me to never leave the apartment again when the U.N. is in session. Nash did a pretty good job weaving in and out of all the obstacles and people, but he did guide me into my first pole. Luckily I had a hat on, so the brim of the hat hit the pole, and he did slow down, so we weren’t going that fast. I wasn’t thrilled, and Nash got his first left handed leash correction in a very long time. A woman was very nice to pick my hat up for me, as I could not find it.  My conclusion about the whole U.N. thing, is haven’t New Yorkers suffered long enough, isn’t it time to move the U.N.? I don’t think it even brings any money to the city, as I am sure these diplomats don’t have to pay for much, and I bet my tax dollars go to paying for all the police escorts for foreign dignitaries from countries that most of us have never even heard of. By the way, I have Dollhouse on in the background, and just listening to it makes me really queasy. I don’t know if the writing for the show is just that bad, or if Eliza Dushku is that bad of an acrtress, but she sure looks good doing it, even to a blind guy. Oh and my solution for the U.N., lets move it to down town Baghdad, and let their taxpayers have the honor of paying for them to be there. Hey, you think the turnout at the U.N. would be as good if it was in Baghdad compared to NYC?

What to do when the President of the of the United States blocks off your dog’s batrhroom spot!

September 21, 2009

I don’t recall them covering in guide dog training school what to do when the President of the United States causes your guide dogs bathroom area to be blocked off. So, I thought yesterday’s 8th Avenue street fair was a distraction for Nash. Hey, he’s not used to get to walk down the street as there is usually traffic, well, Sunday, it was people traffic. We walked down 8th Avenue for a little, but I think a lot of people were dropping food on the ground, as Nash was in a sniffing frenzy, and people kept trying to pet him. Some people kept following me down the street asking, “can we pet him, can we pet him, can we pet him,” and I had to politely say over and over, “I’m sorry, but he is working, I’m sorry, but he is working.” It was actually the same two people that kept asking to pet him. Some people just don’t get it.

With the street fair last all day, I was really looking forward to getting outside this morning with Nash. We got outside, and went around the corner on to 53rd this morning, and there was a long metal barrier blocking access to the street, and I’m thinking, hey Letterman, it’s a little early in the morning to be blocking the street off. I went around the barrier, and got Nash into the street, and as I am standing there waiting for Nash to do his thing, it hits me, there are no cars coming down the street, then it really hits me, wait, Obama is going to be on Letterman tonight. Oh, that’s why they have the street blocked off, and here I am standing in it. I had the feeling that some sniper somewhere definitely was checking me out, and probably had me in his scope. I think I even felt a bunch of those red target laser dots on my chest. Well, Nash did his thing, and I cleaned up, and we got around the corner, and Nash led me to where the garbage pale is, and guess, what no, garbage pale. The garbage vanished, I guess secret service moved it, as we had to go all the way down the street to throw it out. Great, and I thought yesterday was a rough day.

Nash and I went out for our afternoon walk, and is was like I walked into 1940’s Poland.  By early this afternoon, my block had become a military state. Not only were there cops all over the street, we actually had secret service in my apartment building. I tried to get on to 53rd, but now it was completely blocked off with a concrete barrier and a cop car, so we doubled back, and went to Nash’s old spot on 52nd street. Nash was not happy, as he really has gotten used to his spot on 53rd. Obama is lucky dogs can’t vote, because Nash was upset. Then we went for our walk, and it was Nash’s worst walk in awhile, but I am giving him a pass today, as he must have been really confused between the street fair yesterday where he could actually walk anywhere on 8th avenue, as it was completely shut down to today, where he couldn’t go anywehre, as there are cops, secret service, metal and concrete barriers, police cars, and other stuff that I am sure I can’t see all over the place. Just getting up the block to run the errands we had to do was a major task. On the way back, we walked down Broadway, and more of the same stuff. We were heading back home, and got to 54th and it was completely blocked off. I thought I was going to have to double back, but a cop let me through, but she did grab Nash’s leash, and I was like, “whoa, please don’t grab his leash!” I had to be real careful, as I was annoyed, but did not want to verbally scold the policewoman, as I am not sure of all the laws. She was the first person who has tried to grab Nash’s leash. The bank teller grabbed the handle of his harness, so this was a first. We got back over to 8th, and then had the fun of going through everything to get back home. Hey, Obama, no matter how well you do on Letterman tonight, lets not make a habit of doing the show, and no guest hosting either. I am really going to have to have a talk with this Letterman guy, as he keeps causing Nash disturbances. I just hope everything is gone for our 7 pm walk.

Update to earlier post

Nash and I went out for his walk after dinner, and you would have never known the President was here, and everything was blocked off all day. That was until I went to deposit Nash’s withdrawl. While the secret service and NYPD took everything away, they forgot to put one thing back, Nash’s garbage can. Nash led me to the spot that it was, but nope, it wasn’t there, we went up and down the block, and it was nowhere to be found. I am not sure if I will have to call the Mayor’s office, or the White House switchboard, but we want our garbage can back. More tomorrow on this latest crisis for the Obama Presidency, as if the garbage can is not back, Nash and I will be taking to the streets!

My Emmy Diary

September 20, 2009

Neil Patrick Harris’s opening song was pretty good, who knew Doogie could sing a litte.

Why do they always have to pick on the blind though? He did in his song, but I already forgot what he said. At least he followed it with a little self deprecating humor about him being gay.

A woman from Pushing Daisies won Supporting Actress, she was pretty funny, how come the Emmy’s always go to people’s whose show’s are canceled? Never saw Pushing Daisies, but heard good things. Her speach was really funny when she mentioned her favorite shows, and that she was unemployed.

The writing category was a joke, 4 nominations to 30 Rock? That show just isn’t funny. I just don’t get it.

Jon Cryer won for supporting actor, it’s about time, as Two and A Half Men has been the funniest show on tv for the past several years.

Justin Timberlake, someone explain this one to me, how is he famous? He is presenting, and seems like the male version of Britney Spears. If only Justin could pop out a kid, and keep the baby weight, then we would never hear from him again.

Again, are you kidding me? Toni Collette for that Tara show? I barely made it through one episode.

A very strange interaction between Neil Patrick and Cryer, asking Cryer if he can confirm the award says, Cryer. Why do they always do stupid stuff like this. We all know how massive these people’s ego ares, so yes, we get it you are pissed you lost, and it is not funny. You would think the Producer’s of the Emmy show would know that less is more.

Another thing I don’t get do we really need to feed the stars ego’s that were already presented with an award?

I do love the John Hodgeman voice overs, as he is hysterical. What a dream, to be able to make up crap about each person as they are walking up to accept the award, now that would be a dream job.

Rob Lowe is presenting for best actor in a comedy series, strange choice to present, I guess Sir Laurence Olivier wasn’t available, as Lowe is about as funny as Olivier was. Also, about Lowe, how has he not aged? No man, should be that good looking.

DAMN Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory did not win. He has some of the best comedic timing I have ever seen. Alec Baldwin won, he is the best part of 30 Rock, so can’t really be to upset, but Parsons is best, and Emmy never gets it right, so why should I expect them to tonight.

Not meant for anyone over 45, but the Family Guy clip was epic. It actually was from the episdoe when Stewie was a bookie, and Brian owed him money, and instead of Stewie saying, You Got My Money, he said You Got My Emmy. My parents hated it, but I loved it. Stewie is a God, not the God, but a God, and Nash had a good chance of being named Stewie, if I would have gotten to name him. LONG LIVE STEWIE and THE FAMILY GUY!

Well, they are now giving awards for reality shows, I don’ t understand how you can give an award for crap? I will have to wait for my parents to call me that the crap segment is over, as I am going to watch the football game, as I don’t need to see them giving out awards for crap and programing that makes people stupider. Are you smarter than a 5th grader? If you’re not, please stop reading my blog, and why would you want to advertise that on tv?

Just flipped back over to the Emmy’s, they are doing the miniseries awards, and I don’t care what people say, but Jennifer Love Hewitt still looks great. Jenny, if you’re reading, I’m still single, so ditch that idiot Jamie Kennedy, and come to NYC. I actually met Jamie at the Improv one night, he is actually a pretty nice guy, but he does travel with an Entourage, which I don’t get. Maybe if I get four or five more guide dogs, I can travel with an entourage. Anyway, a bunch of the guys in his entourage were kind of dicks, which did not reflect well on him, but he is nice. Hey, when you accept an award on someone’s behalf, do you get to keep it? Do you get to present yourself as a acceptor of an Emmy award winner?

They seem to be doing something stupid again which I have not been paying attention to. I don’t think the producer’s of the year’s Emmy’s are smarter than a fifth grader. In the production meeting, they must have said, how can we dumb this year’s program down so that a fourth grader could understand.

Hey, no fair, Alec Baldwin gets to win and present, dude, let someone else get some stage time. They are still doing the miniseries awards, and I didn’t even know that they still made miniseries. I think the last one that I saw was Roots.

At least they finally combined variety, musical, and late night into one category, as I always felt bad for the one late night out there that wasn’t nominated. You have like five nominees and six late night shows, so that was always strange, I mean, how bad did you have to be not to be nominated.

If Steven Colbert doesn’t finally win, I am going on a 51 state killing spree. What about that sentence doesn’t make sense? Am I smarter than a fifth grader?

Hey, Jim Parsons is on stage, quick someone hit Alec Baldwin the head with their Emmy and take his, and give it to Jim.

Ok, if all the writing noms in variety are going to the late night shows, quick who got left out this year? Ok, so there are more than five noms, and more than six late night shows, but there shouldn’t be.

Ok, so The Daily Show won, can’t really argue with that, but come on John bow out on eyear, so Colbert can win. Wait, we now have another Emmy winner performing at Laugh For Sight, Congratulations to John Oliver. Yippee!!

Ok, Jimmy Fallon making fun of Kanye West was the funniest thing yet.

What a shocker, Jon Stewart with the funniest line of the night, “thank you for giving me a chance to go backstage and watch a football game,” while accepting his Emmy. Sorry, Jon, the game is at halftime, GO GIANTS!!

Does CBS have any drama’s without the letters CSI or NCIS in them?

Yes, Yes, and Yes, finally Emmy gets it right, best supporting in a drama for Michael Emerson of Lost. Lost is the best drama on tv, and Michael Emerson could be the best part. The show never gets its proper due.

Wow, a win for 24. Was the worst season of 24, but still better than most shows out there. Win for supporting actress for the woman who plays the Prez, and John Hodgeman with his best line of the night, “after playing the President on 24, she is now the front runner for the Republican nomination in 2012.” Now, I know funny, and that was damn funny.

Damn a lot of people died last year. I can’t really see this part of the show, as it moves to fast, so I will have to go back and watch it later pretty much on slow mo, as I always like to see who passed away. I hope that is not strange.

I like David Boreanz as he lent his name to the event I put on in Beverly Hills in 2000, the Blind Man’s Bluff. Maybe I should start watching his show, Bones.

Yes, Michael J. Fox won for guest appearance in a drama on Rescue Me. He was great on Resue Me, and I have loved almost everything he has ever done. He is doing a lot of good raising awareness for Parkinson’s. It’s a shame it takes being affected by something, to really put yourself out there for it, but he is an amazing person, and I think I have become a bigger fan of his in life than on tv.

Best writing to ER, never saw an episode, as I got a phobia about doctor’s and hospitals. Best Directing to Mad Men, a great show. I may have gotten those awards reversed, as I really haven’t been paying attention, but they both won something. I am still a season and a half behind on Mad Men, so don’t give anything away in your speech. Ok, it looks like Mad Men got the award for writing.

Even though I have never seen American Idol, I always confuse Simon Baker when I hear his name as that idiot on American Idol. Best Actress in a Drama goes to, wow, the name Mariska Hargitay, just sounds really sexy, and the winner is damn, they just spoled Mad Men for me with the clip of the actress from the show, thanks for ruining the episodes I am behind on, and the winner is Glen Close for Damages. Are you kidding me, that show sucked this season, although, the other actress on the show is really really hot. How funny, Glen Close just just used the word affair in her speach, was that a throw back to Fatal Attraction?

Thank God a commercial, Diet Dr. Pepper really goes through you.

I am not even going to acknowledge Best Actor in a Drama, as the noms are so off, it is ridiculous. I never evcn heard of the show that won or the actor, ever hear of a show called Lost? Ok, so Breaking Bad actually sounds like a good concept, but I still never heard of it.

How can they give an award for Best Comedy when the Best Comedy is not even nominated. Come on Nerhart, just give the awrd to 30 Rock already, I want to watch the end of the football game. Is Newhart accepting a lifetime achievement award, or presenting best comedy? And the winner is 30 Rock, what a shocker, I still don’t get it, as it’s not that funny, but Tina Fey is very funny, and sexy. How’s Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men not even nominated?

It was great to see that Family Guy was nominated, but again I don’t think anyone over 45 gets that show, so that rules out most of the Emmy voters.

Damn it, Lost didn’t win. At least it was nominated. Mad Men won, I admit the show is good, but it’s not Lost. I think the reason it wins is because it takes place in the 1950’s when most of the Emmy voters were in their prime. Mad Men is good, but not great, and here’s who the inners should have been…

Comedy

Best Supporting Actor Jim Parsons The Big Bang Theory

Best Supporting Actress the maid on Two and A Half Men

Best Actor Charlie Sheen Two and A Half Men

Best Actress Tina Fey 30 Rock

Best Comedy The Big Bang Theory

Drama

Best Supporting Actor Michael Emerson Lost, they got one right

Best Supporting Actress, the pyscho woman on Rescue Me

Best Actor Matthew Fox Lost

Best Actress

Best Drama Lost

If you have read all of this, and want to know, here are the shows that I feel  are worth watching, some are seasonal, some have ended or recently been canceled, and some are actually still on

Lost, The Big Bang Theory, Rescue Me, Pysch, Two and A Half Men, The Shield, The Unit, Boston Legal, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Family Guy, 24, Mad Men, Prison Break, Californication, Castle, Eli Stone, Monk, Gary Unmarried, Numbers, and that’s all for now.

How to walk a dog in the country in NYC

September 18, 2009

Yes, the simple answer is just take your dog to Central Park, but not when you are blind, as when Nash and I went to Central Park, he was off like a bat out of hell, and we got pretty deep into the park, and it hit me, I have no idea where the hell I am! So, if you are blind and walk with a guide dog, and plan on going to Central Park, I suggest also going with a sighted person, or you will end up lost. Since I know that I plan on sitting on my ass all day tomorrow and watching college football from the kick off show to the 8pm game, I wanted to get Nash a good amount of exercise today. We headed out to 11th Ave, yes, the country of NYC, nice wide sidewalks, little people traffic, and your dog can really walk fairly quickly with little stress. Funny thing is we got passed by two horst and buggies, I thought we were in Amish country. Not so sure what they were doing all the way over there, as they normally stick pretty close to Central Park. Maybe they were blind horse and buggys, and they had the same thought process as me. I didn’t even take my cell phone on the walk, as I hear cell phones don’t get the best reception in the country. Strange though in the NYC country, there was still a lot of construction going on. Nash did have a really nice walk, and I would have liked to have done it later at night, but going to the country late at night, scares me, so hopefully I can get up early tomorrow morning, and we can do it again, as Nash really enjoyed himself.

Yesterday, Nash and I went to the Lite Expo at the Lighthouse, it was a technology seminar, and on the bus ride over, Nash kept wanting to say hello to every passengar that would walk by him, so that is something we will have to work on. People were commenting how well behaved he was, but I know better, and expect better out of Nash, as not everyone loves dogs, and he needs to be more focused on me, and less of a social bee. Although Nash did do a little pulling at the Lighthouse, as there were other guide dogs around, overall, he was very good. I primarily went to the expo to hear the seminar’s being put on by Apple and Google, and was very impressed with what both company’s are doing to improve their technology for visually impaired people. The new Iphone was very impressive with all of its speech functions, and I will have to look into getting it, only problem, is I am on Verizon, and the phone is exclusive to AT&T. Google is also doing a lot of impressive things to improve accessibility for the blind and visually impaired people. Nash and I were sitting in the front row for both seminars, and during the second one, the Google seminar, Nash let out a big groan in the middle of the seminar. I guess Nash is a yahoo dog.

My college football picks this weekend, look for my Gators to roll big, and get even with Tennessee for their idiot coach Kiffin’s offseason comments. I have been waiting for this one for six month’s. Look for BYU to win by two touchdown’s over BYU, for Texas to pummel Texas Tech, for Notre Dame to struggle a little against Michigan State, but pull it out, and for the Washington/USC game to be closer than people think.

Nash is causing me nightmares!

September 16, 2009

Now I know everyone dreams and has nightmares, but I very rarely remember mine. A few years ago, I even asked my doctor, do blind people dream? He says that they do, and I did read a long article about it, but probably did understand most of the scientific mumble jumble. So I rarely dream, and the only nightmare’s I remember is my living nightmare, Well, this morning, I was actually awoken by a nightmare, and Jessica Biel nor Anne Hathaway were in it, of course, that probably would have been a dream.

I know get to the nightmare. I was dreaming that I was back working down on Wall Street, no that’s not the nightmare. Nash was with me, as I was working away, and then I left work, and I was on the subway heading home, when all of the sudden, I realize that I had left Nash in the office, and I started to panick as somehow, I was able to see the cleaning crew cleaning the office, and they were stealing Nash before I could get back to the office to get him. No offense to cleaning crews anywhere, as I am sure you do not steal. What a nightmare though, I guess I do love the guy since he is causing me night terrors.

I would love to hear the pyscho babble behind this dream. Ok, so I have attachment issues, and maybe the dream is telling me that I miss working in an office, but I was working their late and alone, but how the hell does a blind guy leave without his guide dog? That part of the dream I don’t get.

I would like to express my thanks to all you bluetooth headset users for making us blind guys who talk to our guide dogs while walking not look so crazy. I mean if a guy can walk down the street talking out loud into his head, then either people assume I am talking on a blue tooth, or it probably looks much more natural talking to a dog rather than talking to no one. I also guess that homeless guy in a worn down suit on the corner talking out loud to himself doesn’t look so crazy anymore, afterall, in this economy, he was probably your stock broker a week ago, and he is just talking on his bluetooth!

Does Your Dog Suffer From Erectile Dysfunction?

September 15, 2009

No, this is not a question that I have about Nash or dogs, but this is what pops into your head after three days of only non-stop football watching, dog walking, and lack of sleep. Everything just kind of blends together. It’s a good thing they invented Viagra and Cialis or they would have nothing to advertise during football games. I miss the days of clever beer commercials and cigarette ads. I couldn’t imagine what is worst, being a kid and watching a football game with my Dad, or being a Dad and having a little kid watching football with me now a days. “Daddy, what’s erectile dysfunction?” “Ah, son, that’s ah when your erector set doesn’t work properly.” “Oh, ok Daddy, I can talk about that during show in tell at school.” Or even worst, your kid asking, “Daddy, do you have erectile dysfunction?” Of course, with all the parents that don’t pay attention to their kids, the response would be, “I don’t know, ask your mother?”

Did you hear the one about the blind guy who dropped his viagra pill, and his guide dog ate it? Me neither, but I am hoping somebody has, or I might have to write one.

On another healthcare note, has anyone ever bought a medical supply from a late night infomercial? And if so, did it work? Seriously, who are these people that actually buy products that they advertise on late night tv? I happened to catch a commercial as I was fast forwarding on my tivo for something called Miracle Ear. I know if I had a hearing problem, I would buy my hearing aid from late night tv. Miracle Ear is a real miracle product as they say, noirmally Miracle Ear would cost you a hundred bucks, but if you order right now, it will only cost you 19.99! What is it about right now that causes such an incredible savings, and does it count as right now if you are watching a program you tivoed six months ago, because it is right now for me, and they don’t specify in the ad whether the right now is in real time, or when I am watching the program. Also, how come on all these infomercials, they are always willing to throw in a second one of the product for free? Is it because the product is so crappy that it doesn’t last very long? And most importantly, if they can invent a Miracle Ear for $19.99, how come no Miracle or Bionic Eye? I may be willing to spend over 20 bucks for that product!