Bridges Burn Easily

Bridges Burn Easily

It’s amazing how easily bridges burn when you keep telling people to fuck off. Kenneth Lay died, how come he can get out of a life sentence, but I can’t. I had a friend, and he was just fired from his job, and was bitching to me about how bad his life was. He said his life sucked, but I was the one person he still would not trade places with, so I offered him some advice, I said, “well there’s always suicide” I have mastered the art of losing things. I have lost my sight, and now my hair, how come I can’t lose any weight? I just found out the Rabbi who Bar Mitzvah’ed me is in prison for child molestation, does this now make me Catholic? Late the other night, I heard a woman screaming at the top of her lungs out back of my apartment, “Somebody help me, somebody help me!!” I figured it was either someone being killed or making a movie. I would have gotten off the couch to check it out if I knew it was a movie. I was just told that smoking is bad for you. Does that mean when I get cancer, I can sure Marlboro because I was never able to read the warning on the pack? Thanks to this recent revelation about smoking being bad for you, I think I have accomplished my life’s goal. I am pretty sure that I have now broken all ten commandments. I am pretty sure that I got got the Thou Shall Not kill covered with my second hand smoke. I know a blind guy who never dreamed, then he was cured and could see, but now he can’t sleep because he has the worst nightmares. I used to have a Gateway computer, but I gave it to an illegal immigrant, it’s not that I hate illegal’s, I just really hate Gateway. I love it when I check into a hotel, and they ask me, “Will you be parking a car with us?” Didn’t life seem better when we lived in a world with sniglets?

Tags: Blind Comedian, Guide Dog